VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
No more Irish car bombs ever.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
