Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
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