I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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