Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
even my farts smell like vagina
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
