I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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