Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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