i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
