remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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