were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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