Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
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Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
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so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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