Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
