So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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