She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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