I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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