so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
