M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
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They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
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nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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