so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
