the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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