I faked an abortion last night.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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