i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
