I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
