I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
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You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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