I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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