Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
