So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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