: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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