THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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