Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
