Don't make out with my wife yet
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
