He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
