This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
