My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
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I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
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The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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