You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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