he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
