Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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