Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Randomize
