HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
