I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
is it fun? or sober?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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