Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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