Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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