Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
there is glitter all over my balls
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
