party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
