They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
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i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
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Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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