let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
