How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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