your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
