Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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