but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
