I hate all girls vehemently.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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