I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
