you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
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We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
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I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I did not marry a roomba.
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