Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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