I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
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