If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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