Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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