i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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