This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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