thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
